For Bored at the pub

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Posted by hulse on February 27, 2003 at 17:40:46:

In Reply to: Strewth posted by Bored from the Pub on February 25, 2003 at 11:36:44:

What's your fancy?
Booze Personality Test

Seven bartenders were asked if they could identify personality upon what drinks were chosen.

Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results: IF WOMEN DRINK...
Beer: Personality : Casual, low maintenance;
down to earth. Approach : Challenge her to a
game of pool.

Blender drinks with umbrella: > Personality : Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass. Approach : Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
Mixed drinks - no umbrellas: Personality : Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants. Approach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.
Wine (bottled not 4 litre cask): Personality
: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach : Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.
Bacardi Breezer, Smirnoff ice, Vodka mule, etc.: Personality : Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has absolutely no clue Approach : Make her feel smarter than she is...and you're in.
Baileys: Personality : Annoying voice, bit
of a tart. Approach : Stand close and mention
the alley next to the pub.
Shots (Vodka, Aftershock etc.): Personality : Hanging with male pals or looking to get drunk...and naked. Approach : Easiest hit in the pub.
Nothing to do but wait.

If Men drink: Cider : He's probably under-aged
and wants to get laid.
Cheap Domestic Beer: He's poor / student and wants to get laid.
Premium Local Beer : He likes good beer and
wants to get laid.
Bitter : He's old, he likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer : He likes expensive beer and wants
to get laid.
Guinness : The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.
Wine : He's hoping that the wine thing will give
him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.
Vodka or Brandy : Extremely horny
hound, would shag a warm scarf, desperate to
get laid.
Port : Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.
Whiskey : He doesn't give two shits about anything and will hit anyone who will
get in his way of getting laid.
Jack Daniels : Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.
Tequila : Likes fighting almost as much as
getting laid.
Bacardi Breezer, Smirnoff ice, Vodka mule, etc. : He's gay(blatantly)

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